- On Air:
- Weekdays, 5am - 10am
- Meet Jake Kelly's Dogs. Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- Daddy's girl Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- If Mark Wahlberg had a Vine Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- CRAZY PSA "Stay In School" Commercial. Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- Finally Nick Cage is back! "JOE" trailer. Posted in Blogs › Movies
- Superman Saves Gravity Posted in Blogs › Humor
- If Game of Thrones was a 70's sitcom. Posted in Blogs › Humor
- (VIDEO/PICS) Jake Kelly & Tannr's Prom 2014 Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- (VIDEO) Tannr Review of the New Waffle Taco Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- Aussie Builders surprise public with loud empowering statements Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- Redneck Road Rage / Instant Karma Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- Wheel of Fortune: Amazing Bonus Round Solve! Posted in Blogs › Humor
- Louis C.K. joke proved wrong by Bradley Cooper’s 1999 'Inside The Actors Studio' question for Sean Penn Posted in Blogs › Humor
- If Superman Had A GoPro Camera... Must Watch Video Of Day! Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- Stuntmen Perform Mind Blowing Bow And Arrow Acrobatic Trick Shots Posted in Blogs › Humor
- Coca-Cola SLURP! Posted in Blogs › Humor
- ((WEB EXCLUSIVE)) Fruit Loop Wins Poem Contest! We hate the new intern! Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- Cat interrupts sexy yoga session (Video) Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- Bottlenose dolphin allows a human to get it out of a jam Posted in Blogs › Deep Thoughts with Jake Kelly
- It's a Freelance Life (Annie Parody) Posted in Blogs › Humor
Hello visitor and welcome to the Jake Kelly Profile Page. I would guess you're here to find out exactly how to make your very own "Jake Kelly On-Air Personality."
If that's the case, you're in luck! I have dedicated this whole page on divulging the key personality ingredients and secrets that have been kept hidden from the public for centuries. Here you will find exactly what you need to make your very own at home "JKOAP."
Let's get started.
You need to find a father that made it through the war and loves dark haired waitresses. You need to find a mother that finds a weird looking man that likes to tuck his shirt into his underwear attractive. You need to mix number 1 and 2 together with 3 bottles of wine and bake for 9 months. Carefully take out your new "JKOAP" from the oven, tap gently, place on soft surface and let it cool for a few months. After the cooling takes place, it's now time for the key personality ingredients. This is where the competition have tried and failed because they didn't know what you're about to find out. The secret! The secret personalty ingredients that when mixed together will make a perfect "JKOAP" every time.
Find large bowl, place your "JKOAP" in bowl and sprinkle the key personality ingredient listed below. (The list has been placed in alphabetical order for your convenience)
- Acting younger than age (5 tbsp)
- Beer (1 cup)
- Collecting spoons..... (2 dashes)
- Dungeons and Dragons (4 cups)
- Eating more calories than he burns (6 gallons)
- Fear of public restrooms (6 gallons)
- Giving high fives (5 1/2 cups)
- Hatred for Kelly Ripa (23 cups)
- Incredibly disappointed in Drew Carey as Bob Barker's Replacement (13 tbsp)
- Jealousy of Jennifer Lawrence (because of wanting to play Katniss) (29 tsp)
- Keira Knightley obsession (14 cups)
- Love for Brad Pitt (8 cups)
- Misplacement of car keys constantly (-3 1/2 cups)
- Not a fan of Demi Lavato (13 tbsp)
- Obsessed with Keira Knightley (1 tsp)
- Peeing outside (5 1/2 gallons)
- Quick eater (2 tbsp)
- Really likes reading (3 pints)
- Sorta likes Mini Coopers (4 tbsp)
- Tattoos (74 cups)
- Un-attracted to overly buff women (2 1/2 gallons)
- Very obsessed with Keira Knightley (12 cups)
- Waking up to bacon (10 tbsp)
- Xtra sensitive on movie subjects (14 pints)
- Yoga pants (on women not men) (12 pints)
- Zombies (2 cups)
Mix key personalty ingredients into large bowl. Let sit and watch the magic happen. Remember, equal parts of water, sunlight and re-runs of "Saved by the Bell."
As you watch your new "JKOAP" start to grow, you will find him wanting to experience all the things in life right away. I encourage you to let this happen!
Be careful, be strict and have fun.
P.S. If your Jake Kelly ever sets the Couch on fire at age 11... Please go easy on him.